Countdown!

My flight is just hours away, at 6am on October 8, 2005. I am so excited! My brother came home from NY to see me off. My family went out to dinner together - it's been a while since we've all been home to do that. As frustrated as I might get with my family, I am continually awed at how blessed I am to have them in my life. They've supported me this far, and they will continue to support me every step of my future - what a blessing!

I am very curious about what exactly awaits me in Honduras. The most important thing to keep in mind is flexibility. As with most things in my life, I am prepared for the worst but expecting the best. I know I will be doing something related to medicine and public health, but the exact agenda will undoubtedly change day to day. A rough idea of what I will be doing:
- help set up a pediatric clinic at the LAMB Institute
- work at the local public health centers
- travel with medical teams to rural areas to service the people who do not have easy access to the clinics in the major cities

In general, I am hoping for a first-hand look at/experience with medicine in a developing area. Actually, it's not just the medical experience I desire... It's also important to me to live beside people who are underserved in this world. Sure, I can read books about other countries and listen to the stories of other people who have traveled there, but I will never fully understand until I have lived that life. I have so much respect for people like Mother Teresa, who gave her entire life to serving the underserved. Would I be able to do that? I don't know... This time I am spending in Honduras is so brief. I know at the end I have a comfortable life in the U.S. to return to. I know there are people who love me and care about my well-being. I know I have a future ahead of me and the potential to accomplish many of the dreams I have. I am at a very exciting and overwhelming stage in life right now. The possibilities seem endless! Maybe I will end up moving to a developing country, opening up a clinic, and spending the rest of my life there... Maybe I will live in the U.S., make money, gain credibility, and contribute in a more indirect (but essential) way through funds or political influence... Maybe I will do a little bit of both... Whatever actually does happen (might be totally different from anything I think up), I am eager to accept the challenges and opportunites.

But going back to the immediate future...

For those of you who have expressed certain worries about my traveling abroad, I hope it is of some assurance to know that though I am idealistic and perhaps a bit adventurous, I am not as naive as you might think. I promise to be smart about things. I know one flaw of mine is I sometimes act like I am omnipotent/omniscient, but inside I doubt myself all the time and wonder if I am really capable of handling certain challenges and if I really know anything useful at all. This self-doubt, I believe, serves a purpose - and a good one at that. I am constantly analyzing and re-evaluating myself, and more importantly, changing things that really need to be changed. Arguably another flaw is I love people "too much"! (My mom, for instance, worries that I love and trust people too easily! oh, mom :) But, I am also weary and guarded at the same time. Those of you who know me well know that I am a walking polar extreme. Everything about me is either on one end of the spectrum or the other!

One more thought: More than any other reason, I am not afraid of the future because of my faith. We all believe in different things, and I totally respect that. But I think we can all agree that when we face trying times, it helps to have someone/something we can turn to. My life is in God's hands and I know those are some mighty good hands to be in!

I'm sure the first few weeks will be some of the most difficult, what with all the adjustments I will have to make. Hopefully I will have access to the internet within a few days, if not immediately, so please check this site regularly and e-mail me with happy little notes!